All she ever wanted was to be loved.
To be delighted in. To be valued. Have worth. Be worth it. Be beautiful. Loved for who she truly is. To be desired. To be known. To be captivating.
She wanted her mothers nurturing loving touch. Where she felt safe. Where she could be vulnerable without fear.
She wanted her dads heart. His affection. Her hero that would protect her against harm.
She wanted to be liked, to be seen. To have valued, loving friendships who accept her just the way she is.
She wanted a man. Loving and loyal. To be his one and only. With integrity and character.
Really, she just wanted to be beloved.
Then somewhere down the road we end up singing along with Pat Benatar “Love is a battlefield”. Whitney Huston’s “Unbreak my heart”. We find our story in a country song. We watch movies that are all too familiar to the aching of our hearts. “I don’t need anyone anyways.” And there a hardened heart is born.
We silence our hearts cry for a healthy unconditional love out of hurt. We believe the lie that to need love is to be weak. We deathly fear vulnerability. We hide in shame. Control. Act like everything is together on the outside but inside we feel alone in a room full of people. Afraid to let people get to close that they might not like the true you. Inauthentic. We find a distraction, a focus, an outlet, a false sense of love and worth. We fall in love with things that can’t hurt us back, we hurt back or block ourselves from feeling anything at all. Depression, isolation, social anxiety, shame, lack of motivation to do the things we used to enjoy, lack of compassion for others, anger, passiveness, over eating or loss of appetite. Just a few examples we all can relate to at least one. Then when you add pride on top of that, we refuse to even look into ourselves or admit we’ve been there. We all have a different story, we all experience different perspectives and go through different struggles. But we are all human. We were all born with a need for love.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
“Daughters, Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.” Song of Songs 8:6-7
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1Peter 4:8
The greatest of all is what? Above all do what?
So I guess the Beatles had it right when they sung,
“All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love. Love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.”
“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34
Freed from what? Suffering. How? By faith. Can I really be free from all my suffering? Can I really find peace through having faith?
What would I not give to have joy. When I think about what I want for myself and my future I come up with things like JOY, PEACE, PASSION, PURPOSE, ADVENTURE, UNSTOPPABLE, INTEGRITY, GOOD CHARACTER, FREEDOM, AMBITION, STEADFAST, VICTORY, UNSHAKABLE and last but not least TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED.
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8
We were CREATED for LOVE. To love God, others and ourselves. A healthy love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians
This verse talks about what a healthy love is. If we are saying we love someone but it does not represent these things, we need to do a heart check because that is not love. And if someone is telling us they love us but their actions don’t align with these things, there is a dysfunction to the love and it is not a healthy love. I am NOT saying if you fall short in some of these things you don’t really love. We WILL fall short, we will mess up, we will get tangled. When that is brought to our attention we must humble ourselves, apologize, ask the lords forgiveness, correct our behavior, and walk forward renewed and in pureness. If we fail to recognize our own faults we will not grow and continue with our hardened hearts, dysfunctional behaviors which only leads to hurting yourself and others.
I don’t know about you but its not my intention ever to hurt someone purposely. I want people to leave me feeling loved, not wounded. Have I messed up? YOU BET. Have I wounded? Yes. We all have. I have spoke without thinking, I have acted out of emotions, I have been selfish in times and immature in others. I do not know it all and I know I will make mistakes again. But, if I can love others and myself purely and healthfully more then not then I want to gain as much wisdom as I can to do that. If I can offer GRACE to myself for my short comings and GRACE to others when they mess up so that we can engage in a healthy loving culture, community and relationship with one another, then Lord show me what toxicness I am holding on to and need to release to you and show me those who are healthy examples that I may learn and grow from their experiences and knowledge. Humble my heart. I apologize to any whom I acted unloving towards. I forgive others whom ever made me feel unloved and I forgive myself.
Lord, bring love into my life. Love for you and love for others. Help me not to hate and resent those who hurt me but to forgive and extend love. Help me not to resent you God, for you give us free will and it is not your will and never was for us to experience pain .
Even if the other person isn’t sorry, forgive and give it to God. Release them from your heart. Forgiveness IS NOT a feeling. It IS a choice. And you may have to forgive someone over and over again. If bad feelings come up speak forgiveness. This does not mean staying in an unhealthy relationship/friendship and letting someone abuse you over and over again. Even Jesus had healthy boundaries. We are not doormats. Don’t engage with unreasonable or those who have no intention in changing their hurtful behavior.
“Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
When we learn to Guard our heart in a healthy manner. Out of LOVE not FEAR. When we learn to LOVE in a healthy manner, out of pureness not selfishness or co dependency. We then find FREEDOM to love. We can love truly and experience true love in return. If we do everything in love. Communicate with love, disagree with love, offer compassion out of love, be honest with one another out of love, engage with others who are on the pathway of learning healthy love, life begins to have color. The heaviness of the heart begins to lift. Hope for the future becomes an option.
How beautiful this could be.
“Love; it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you. It will set you free.”
— Mumford & Sons
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
— Henry David Thoreau
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.